My Best Friend's Funeral

There. I said it: my best friend's funeral.

Most people post about weddings. I would LOVE to write a post about my best friend's wedding. But I can't.

She's dead.

She died.

That sounds so final doesn't it? I could say she passed away, which is also true. But that's what old people do. Old people pass away. Young people die. It's harsh, but it's real.

Most of the time I think Kim's on vacation. Like a vacation no one was looking forward to. In my head she's studying abroad - it sucks for us because we'll miss her, but I know she's enjoying it. Maybe that's how she felt when Chrissy and I left her in the same semester to study in England and South Africa. But it's not the same.

She's really gone. She's not coming back.

I'm sad. I miss her terribly. I keep thinking it was a dream. And in my dreams, I keep thinking she's here. Two nights ago (in my dream), I went with her to an appointment at UNC-Chapel Hill where the doctor's had a new miracle drug. They were able to cure her of breast cancer. I woke up excited - Kim was whole! Then I realized she is whole, she's just not whole on Earth.

At first I was mad - partly at her, partly at myself. Why did she leave us? Couldn't she have fought harder? Couldn't we have fought harder for her? Why did her doctors let this happen? Why didn't I take more pictures?

Then I realized I was thinking too much about myself. This wasn't about me. This was about Kim. And she was ready.

On Good Friday, one of her good friends hosted a fundraiser cookout at her parents house. We raised almost $6,000 to help Kim and her family with medical expenses. Kim had been at the hospital for the week leading up to the party, and was released that morning - just in time to come! It was raining, so she sat inside in a comfy chair and held court. She got to see all of her favorite people and their families - which is something she had told us all she wanted to happen.

On Saturday, Mr. Business, Small Biz and I took her some S'meeps for Easter and visited for a while. She danced around her parents living room with Small Biz - her goddaughter. I so wish now I'd gotten a picture...and stayed longer.

On Wednesday, she sent out a few tweets. My favorite was this one:

 

 It's such a simple tweet. But it's so true. And I'm so, so, so very grateful to have it, because on Wednesday night, she passed away.

And I've heard people talk about funerals and call them a "celebration" of life. In the past, I've always thought that was spin. But on Saturday, April 30, we celebrated the hell out of Kim's life. Her parent's asked everyone to wear sundresses, which was very fitting since I NEVER saw Kim wear black.

The always amazing, but even-more-so-in-the-time-of-need Chrissy managed to get a marching band to come. Seriously, 18 people from our high school's marching band learned Weezer's Island in the Sun the night before, and processed out of the church playing it.

After the funeral, a huge group went to K38 in Wilmington,where I believe we held up a front room for hours and hours. Chrissy's friends from college all came in, friends from high school we hadn't seen in YEARS were there. We all passed pictures around, caught up on each other's lives, and laughed. It was sad. It was healing. It reminded me how lucky I am to have such a strong support group - in the good times and the bad.

And when we were done, I realized how lucky I am that my friend isn't in pain anymore. She's whole. And I have been left with fabulous memories.

 I choose to remember this.